1. STRAY FROM A NORMAL HAIR STYLE.
Alex Ferguson wouldn’t stand for any ridiculous hairstyles. Be a team player and don’t let the GS Club down.
2. DON YOUR TEAM’S COLOURS (WEAR A FOOTBALL SHIRT).
Unless you’re actually going to play in a game or you’re part of a firm then save your footy shirt for the stand.
3. BRAG ABOUT YOUR GCSE (OR A LEVEL) RESULTS.
Three A’s in Triple Science screams you didn’t get laid until freshers’ week… where you scored only Es. No, that’s ridiculous.
4. SKIMP ON YOUR FOOTWEAR.
Unless you’re racking up some serious mileage on a daily basis then you’ve no excuse. Taxi drivers you’re not off the hook.
5. PRETEND YOU’RE INTO HIP-HOP.
The only song that’s permissible is: “I said a hip hop, the hippie, hippie, to the hip, hip hop, and you don’t stop, a rock it…” That or “Straight outta Compton, crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube.”
6. QUEUING TO GET INTO A CLUB.
Face it, at your age, you’d feel like you’re taking a group of students on an outing. Remember; don’t show your ID – the big bald man will chuckle.
7. POP THE COLLAR OF YOUR POLO SHIRT.
You’re not an extra on Green Street. You “staaand your graaaound and fight”…if you want a criminal record. You’re too old for an ASBO.
8.SLEEP WITH THE OFFICE INTERN.
Hopefully, you’re aware of the saying: don’t shit where you eat. Who on earth would shit where they eat? You’re better than that.
This article first appeared on Goodwin Smith